Jack's Manly Tip of the Week

It’s hard to imagine that men need tips on how to be manly but after 40 years of being assaulted by political correctness, foisted on this great nation by a bunch of commie momma-boys, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that men don’t know how to be manly. All real men aspire to be manly. We used to learn how to be manly when we were kids. We learned it in school out on the playground. But the politically correct momma’s boys somehow got in control of our government, our schools, and the air ways and took this a way from up. Now we have grown men walking the street like cattle because they never learned how to stand up to bullies when they were five years old. Instead their manhood was stolen by a singing purple dinosaur and the Children’s Television Workshop. This is what the commies wanted.

Being a man (that is manly) is a simple matter of comportment. Yeah. It’s a big word. It means “how you carry yourself.” It’s the way you breathe, the way you talk, the way you react to a given situation. Once you start carrying yourself in a manly way, you’ll become manly, you’ll be a man.

Now some males will ask if I do these things will I be able to score with the ladies? The simple answer is that ain’t the point of being manly! One doesn’t become manly to score with the ladies! If you try to become manly just to score with the ladies, you’ll turn into some macho dick-weed guy. These tips are so you can become manly. If you achieve manliness, then women will be naturally attracted to you. You won’t need to “score.” Like I said it’s all about comportment.

Before I can tell you how to be manly, you need to know what manly is. So your first tip is going to be an explanation of different types of men.

Manly Man: He is what every real man aspires to be. He’s tough, reliable and doesn’t suffer fools. He doesn’t look for trouble but he will not avoid it. He won't be wronged. He won't be insulted. He won't be laid a-hand on. He doesn’t do these things to other people, and he requires the same from other. Above all he won’t be a Sap.

Real Man: The real man will do whatever it takes to get the job done. They may or may not be married. Occasionally he rises to the occasion when inspired by a Manly man. He’d prefer to lead but will follow if he has to.

The Regular Joe. The Regular Joe is an alright guy. He’s likable and treats people with respect. He is often married or in a committed relationship. He floats there between the Real Man, the Macho Guy, and the Momma’s Boy. He blends in with the scenery. He does most of the work and takes it on chin every day. This is probably the category of 85% of the male population. He also aspires to be manly.

The Sap. The sap is a man who falls for a dame that’s no good. It can happen to just about any man. When it happens, his life is ruined. The only way he can stop being a sap is by realizing he’s a sap. No one can tell him this; he has to figure it out on his own.

The Macho Guy: The macho guy is vermin. He gives men a bad name. He was the school yard bully. He builds up his ego by talking tough and preying on the weak. He treats women like a piece of meat. He swears a lot and is always talking about the “big game” back in high school. He’s often mistaken for a manly man but with training even the lowliest momma’s boy will be able to spot this poser of manhood.

The momma’s boy. Okay. Lets’ get this straight. We’re not talking about sexual orientation here. We also aren’t talking about physical strength. We’re talking about the spineless and the gutless. Audie Murphy wasn’t big and strong but by God he was Manly! There’s a variety of momma’s boys but most are harmless and of little or no concern to society as a whole. The momma’s boy we need to look out for is the Weasel. The weasel is the one who manages to achieve power through unsavory means and back room deals. Weasels are often drunk with power. The weasel will use this power to try and make everyone subservient to him. Most weasels do this by becoming politicians or powerful businessmen. In the end all they care about is themselves and gaining more power. Adolf Hitler was a weasel. You see where he took us!

The Little Guy. The little guy is a special type of momma boys. He good for laughs and most manly men like to have him around. The best thing about the little guy is the manly man knows he can trust him with his special gal. The little guy will also always try to have the big guy’s back when things get tough. When this happens hilarity will often ensue. Most people know that to mess with the little guy is a personal affront to the manly man. Little Guys come in all shapes and sizes and can also be of any age.

The Mentor. The mentor is old manly man who, even from his nursing home bed or his rusty wheel chair is still more man than a manly man. They are few and far between these days.


Next week we’ll start giving tips. If you have a question you need answered email the manly advisor at hangman.ketch@gmail.com