You're not a man if you do these things.

Here are 25 things that men don't do. If you're a man you already know this.

1. If you cuss and use course language around proper women and little ones, you’re not a man.

2. If you would rather be on welfare than work a job that’s “beneath your dignity”’ you’re not a man.

3. If you think a person doesn’t have a right to own a gun, you’re not a man.

4. If you think it’s alright to cheat on your wife, you’re not a man.

5. If you kick dogs, you’re not a man.

6. If you’re a bigot, you’re not a man.

7. If you hate your country, you’re not a man.

8. If you insist everyone be a vegetarian, you’re not a man.

9. If you want the government to take care of you, you’re not a man.

10. If you think you’re entitled to some thing more than the opportunity to succeed, you’re not a man.

11. If you’ll trade your principals when the going gets tough, you’re not a man.

12. If you beat on women, you’re not a man.

13. If you won’t give up your seat for a senior citizen, woman, or someone who can't stand, you’re not a man.

14. If you can’t handle your liquor but insist on drinking till you barf or start crying in the gutter, you’re not a man.

15. If you whine every time life gives you a bad break, you’re not a man.

16. If you’re willing to give up the good fight because it’s getting hard, you’re not a man.

17. If you brag about your sexual exploits, you’re not a man.

18. If you talk bad about others for no good reason, you’re not a man.

19. If you can’t own up to your mistakes, you’re not a man.

20. If you take credit for others accomplishments, you’re not a man.

21. If you think you’re bigger than God, you’re not and you’re not a man.

22. If you need a teleprompter to give a speech, you’re not a man.

23. If you beat little kids, you’re not a man.

24. If you’re freeloading off your parents (or anyone for that matter), you’re not a man.

25. If you can’t grit your teeth and tough it out when the ‘you know what’ hits the fan, you’re not a man.

Men need a code to live by. A pretty good one is found in the Bible. Take a look at Psalm 1, for starters.

How does a man sleep in a manly way?

How does a man sleep?

No one knows.
Men know sleeping is a sign of weakness so men don’t get caught sleeping.


So how do men not get caught sleeping? Let’s say you’ve had a good night and some dame is lucky enough to share your bed. If you’re a man, you’ll learn to pretend your asleep while remaining completely alert of your surroundings and then as soon as the dame nods off, you’ll quietly slip out of bed and go about your business.

Or if you’re sleeping alone, you’ll set up alarms so that if someone comes within range of your weapon of choice, you’ll be alert, armed and dangerous before they can get the drop on you.


One good way to make sure you’re an alert sleeper is to get yourself a La-Z-Boy recliner. Put it in the corner of your room so you can observe all windows and doors in the room. For lighting purpose, make sure you’re back-lit or better yet in the shadows.


Keep a bottle of whiskey and a loaded .45 on the table next to you. Keep a back up pistol tucked in the cushion of the chair so that when you’re reclining with your arms crossed (Indian chief style) you can easily grab the pistol in an across the body draw.


Leave the shotgun on the floor next to the chair so you can easily roll out of the chair a grab the shotgun.


With this type of set up, anyone who happens to get a glimpse of how a man sleeps probably won’t live long enough to tell anyone.


Remember your bed is a playground. The recliner is where you sleep.


This man has set up a great decoy. The Tec 9 is not within arms reach but its placement under the lamp draws the intruder's attention to it. This will allow the man ample time to grab his Glock 21 and put 7 or 8 rounds down range before the intruder even knew what hit him. The placement of the lamp also allows the man to keep to the shadows. A simple role to the left and the shot gun on the far side of the chair is in reach. How do we know the Tec 9 is just a decoy gun? The Tec-9 is a piece of crap used by novice gang bangers and low budget Hollywood movies directors.

The Manly Supper

The Manly Supper

First you’re going to have supper, not dinner. Dinners are formal stuffy affairs.

This is pretty simple. The manly supper is:
Steak (the rarer, the better) , baked potato, green beans, baked beans w/ bacon, Texas toast and a pint of Stout. After the meal have a shot of whiskey or jagermeister to help with the digestion. Then maybe a slice of hot pie (apple, peach, pecan or rhubarb) and some coffee.

But what about when you can’t get the manly supper or you have a hankering for something else?

Pork chops, macaroni & cheese, apple sauce, baked beans w/ bacon, corn bread, a pint of pilsner
Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, creamed corn, green beans, pint of lager
Slab of ribs, baked potato, baked beans w/ bacon, cob of corn, pint of lager
Fish ,fries, slaw, cottage cheese, hunk of French bread, butter, coffee or a pint of pilsner.
A bunch of southern fired chicken, biscuits, pan gravy, and mashed potatoes, green beans a pilsner.
Southern fried steak, biscuits, pan gravy, and mashed potatoes, green beans, a lager.
A good mulligan stew and a stout beer.
Bowl of hot spicy chili thick enough to pave your driveway and a pilsner
Soup beans (pinto or northern), cornbread, coffee (black)
Lasagna w/ meat sauce or Italian sausage, garlic bread, a pint of pilsner


Some people may ask about wine. Figure it out yourself Clarence. I can’t hold your hand forever.


Green stuff: Be very careful with vegetables. If you eat too many your testicles will shrivel up and fall off. If you think you need more vegetables you should probably have another drink. But if you just like vegetables then consider manly vegetables such as Kimchi or Kraut. Avoid stuff like broccoli or celery stalks. Celery stalks are for Bloody Marys and that’s strictly breakfast food.

Salads is chick food and should never be a meal in itself. If in a moment a weakness you decide to have a salad, for chrissake dump about a ½ pound a crushed up bacon on top and use lots of croutons and thick ranch dressing to offset the “chick effect”. Make sure it’s iceberg lettuce and tomatoes. It really shouldn’t have anything else but if you insist then add some carrots or onions. Don’t add sprouts or spinach or any of the nonsense or you may be forced to turn in your man card..

Soups can be tricky. It should by thick and hearty. It should contain dead animal parts as a main ingredient. Avoid soups that sound French. Soup is just part of meal and should not be considered a main course. If you’re eating soup as a meal you’re either a sick kid or a geezer with no teeth.


Steak and baked potato. God's gift to man.

Still to come:
Exotic and ethnic foods for the manly man.
Camp food and cooking out
Snacks
Pizza & bar foods.
The dreaded wedding food..

Take the Manly Quiz on Facebook

Are you man enough to take the manly quiz on Facebook?
Then do it: http://apps.facebook.com/quizzes/fbqzr/qzr.php?id=383418

The Manly Lunch

Let's get this straight: Saps "Do lunch" Men grab something to eat. You grab lunch when life allows it or when you demand it. It's always with the boys or alone. If a man meets a skirt for lunch, food ain't on his mind!


Now let's get down to the eating type of lunch. Unless you’re in a diner or grabbing something 'to go' from a diner, deli or hot dog stand, lunch means sandwiches made with cold-cuts. It should be toted around in a small igloo cooler. A bag of plain chips or Fritos, thermos of black coffee, or may three or four cans of cola should be included, plus maybe an apple or a pickle. Your sandwich choices are:


Balogna & American on white (or just plain Bologna)
Ham & Swiss on Rye w/ Mayo
Spam on white or rye
Liverwurst on Rye or White
Hard Salami & Colby, on Rye
Head cheese on dark rye.


Now if you’re hitting a diner, deli or take out, your options increase:


BLT
Italian Beef sandwich w/hot peppers and fries, coffee (black) or a beer
Italian Sausage sandwich w/ fries, coffee (black) or a beer
Brat w/kraut and fries, coffee (black) or a beer
Hotdog w/mustard, onions, relish & peppers w/ fries, coffee (black) or a beer
Reuben, side of fries. a beer
Patty Melt, side of fries, a beer
And ever popular sub (hoagie, hero) with the works and hot peppers.
Liver & onions, mashed potatoes, black coffee.
Chili over a plate of rice, coffee (black) or a beer
Coffee (black) or a beer


You should always have at a minimum 2 sandwiches atlunch (unless you’re just having a cup of coffee or a beer). This is also your chance to get some vegetables in your diet. Any sandwich can go “Dagwood.” Just add lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, kruat, olives, etc. Don't be a doofus. You're not putting on sprouts or stuff that looks like leaves. Its your basic iceberg lettuce. Any time you add all those veggies you need yellow mustard and mayo!

Burgers are strictly bush league and should be reserved for cook-outs, where they become manly. If the situation allows it, you can always have a beer in place of the black coffee.



Spam straight from the can is a time tested manly delicacy. An excellent choice for the man on the go!

Manly Extra: What is this comportment stuff?

Clarence in Spokane is confused about comportment. He was wondering if I could provide a visual example of how one comports himself in a manly manner. I suppose I could go out to Spokane and slap Clarence around a bit but if he’s the mamma’s boy I think he is, he’d probably sue me instead of taking it like a man. Plus the lesson would be wasted as only Clarence would benefit from it. Instead, I’m going to suggest 101 minute primer to identifying manly. If you want to know manly, if you need an example of how to be manly then watch the Maltese Falcon. This movie gives you an example of every type of man there is. For those who need a scorecard, here’s the skinny.

Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart) Manly (good guy)
Kasper Gutman (Sydney Greenstreet) Manly (evil guy)Joel Cairo (Peter Lorre) The Mamma’s boy
Wilmer Cook (Elisha Cook Jr.) The Macho guy
Miles Archer (Jerome Cowan) The Sap
District Attorney Bryan (John Hamilton) the weasel

Brigid O'Shaughnessy (Mary Astor) Trouble
Iva Archer (Gladys George) Trouble
Effie Perine (Lee Patrick) Trustworthy Gal Pal. (Something every man should have.)
The rest of the men fall in the Real Man / Regular Joe category.

There are two qualities possessed by Spade that let you know right away he’s the good manly guy. He has a code to live by and he won’t play the sap for anyone.

There are two qualities that let you know Gutman is the evil manly guy. He has minions and driven by an obsession. Good manly guys have pals not minions.

Watch the movie, study it, and you too may have a shot at manliness.



The Maltese Falcon, a study of comportment. A necessary primer for any male aspiring manliness.

Manly Extra: What's is the Manliest of Sports"

“Morris” from Arkansas asked: “What is the manliest of sports?”

Well Morris, this is a question that has caused many a bar fights. Is it hunting? Stock car racing? Boxing? Foot ball? Hockey? The answer is simple. It’s the sport you’re playing so long as your intention is to win and in the process you kick the snot out of your opponent. The purpose of sports is character building through competition. The strong survive the weak fall by the wayside. Not everyone wins and don’t let a bunch of sissified sniveling sociologists tell you otherwise. Remember comportment. It isn’t what you do its how you do it. If you’re playin’ to win, then even soccer can be manly!

Play hard, kick ass and take names. And remember the losers buy the first round after the game. And if some skirt wants to play with you, don’t give ‘em a break. If you do, you’ll wind up on your ass. Because any skirt who wants to run with the big dogs is going to be out for blood and is playing to win. Don’t be a sap. She won’t respect you unless you play hard. Knock her down and make sure you fall on top! This may be hard in say, a game of darts at the local pub, but be creative. Find a way!

With that said and just to entice a bar fight. In my opinion the manliest sport is taking an eight second ride on a bull, especially if your idea of head protection is a cowboy hat.



Good fun, Good times. Most fun a man can have in 8 seconds!